On Empathy
Many people falsely believe that a lack of Empathy is a Symptom of Schizophrenia: it is not. I believe that this misconception comes from the conflation of the terms “Psychotic” & “Psychopath” in the vernacular, creating a crossover Stigma of Schizophrenia/Psychosis & Antisocial Personality Disorder. While a lack of Empathy is not a direct Symptom of Schizophrenia, this does not mean that having Schizophrenia cannot affect the way one experiences Empathy & perceives the Empathy of others. My perspectives on Empathy have been radically affected by my experiences living with Schizophrenia; in truth, I do not believe in “Empathy” as it is usually presented. I do not believe it is truthful to say you can experience the emotions of another person, & I often find people’s attempts disingenuous & off-putting. Let me elaborate…
Growing up, I always knew I was different from other people, & other people knew that too. I was always pushed to the margins of groups I was in, from my school in general, to church, to the specific cliques I was a part of in high school. As a child & adolescent, I was experiencing early-onset Symptoms on multiple Disabilities, & was desperately trying to express much of what I was experiencing, especially my chronic pain. I was continuously gaslighted about my experiences, told I was exaggerating or lying, under-treated by medical professionals, or mocked for my complaints by children & adults alike. My unusual worldview & proclivities were mocked & degraded. I was made to feel like island unto myself, like I was living in my own alternate world, & over time I retreated further & further into myself. The more alienated I became from those around me, the less able I became to relate to them. I began to resent the people in my life & felt unable to connect with them on any emotional level. I became suspicious of everyone’s intentions & developed a very snotty exterior by the time I went to Undergrad. I wanted to push people off, to not see them, to build a wall before they could hurt me.
As I went through Undergrad & my mental health degraded, I finally tried fully expressing my Psychiatric Symptoms. I would often hear things like “Other People Feel That Too”. I hate that phrase. It felt so diminutive & minimizing, because, NO, I had never met anyone who experienced what I experienced! The people saying these things thought I was Depressed. People with standard Depression do not experience what I was feeling. I was experiencing Mixed Episodes with severe Psychosis, along with PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, & Conversion Disorder. None of the people I was speaking to knew what it was like to experience what I was feeling, & their words of support felt empty, hollow, & invalidating.
The world I was living in, the world of Schizophrenia, of Psychosis, of Mania—was completely unique to me. Even among Psychotic people, each person’s Psychotic reality is a unique experience. I felt alone in my world of Psychosis. People who have never experienced true Psychosis cannot relate to the experience, & they often end up invalidating or making Psychotic people feel alienated when listening to our experiences. Non-Psychotic people who are uneducated about Psychosis also often push Stigma onto Psychotic people, trying to make us internalize ideas about Psychotic people being violent or evil. The Stigma against Psychosis is also fairly unique among Disability Stigmas, & understanding these extreme barriers is very confusing & often unbelievable for non-Psychotics.
After living through all of this, I have come to feel that true Empathy—the ability to feel the emotions of someone else, to see from someone else’s point of view—does not really exist. You cannot truly see through the eyes of another. You can feel Compassion, you can feel Pained, you can feel Sympathy, you can feel Moved To Action—but only the person experiencing the Thing knows what the Thing feels like.
This is one reason I like my therapist, Ms.B, so much. She does not pretend that she can understand my Psychosis. She validates my experiences and expresses Interest & Compassion, but she does not pretend she has any idea what Hearing Voices or Deficit Syndrome is like. I appreciate her realness.
Maybe your experience is different. Maybe you think I am overreacting. This is what my life has taught me, & I do not feel any worse for wear for it. I feel deeply for my cause & for the people help. I just am not going to pretend I know what someone else is feeling.
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