October Ghosts
Trigger Warning: Suicide, Eating Disorder, Unreality, Bullying Discussion
The wind blows gently, causing yellow leaves to dance and swirl as they drop from maple trees. The blistering heat and oppressive humidity of the summer season have left and autumn has finally reached the mid-Atlantic. When I was a child, fall felt like new beginnings, more New Year than New Year’s Day. There was always a strong Hope in me that this would be the school year that I would find my Forever Friends, that I would be accepted, that the torment would stop—and each year my hopes were vanquished. Halloween was a high point for my young Schizotypal self, I loved imaginary play deeply, engaging in it longer than many of peers, and Halloween was a vivd, immersive experience for me.
Schizophrenia, Family Estrangement, And The Holidays
It’s a dreadful time of year, for me at least. I’d had have to say the last time the holidays were really at all enjoyable I’d have to have been 9 years old, and I’m 24 now. As my family has fallen apart and I have had to distance myself from my “loved ones”, the season has lost its charm and become a time of grief and volatility. While the Holidays are not pleasant for many people, my Schizophrenia has played a specific role in my family’s disintegration, and that adds an extra layer of bitterness.